Can You Tell Your Date to Stop Smoking?

Smoking is a crucial topic when it comes to relationships, particularly if only one half is a smoker – sometimes, it can even cause breakups.

Can you ask your date to stop smoking? And, if so, how do you ask them to stop? 

In today’s post, we will discuss if it’s okay to tell a smoker you’re dating to stop smoking and when and how to do so.

Chat to a prescriber
  Bulk-billed phone consultations
  TGA-authorised clinicians
  Nicotine vaping scripts available

Get started                                

Can You Tell Your Date to Stop Smoking?

It’s easier to rehearse your lines and tell this new someone that they have to stop smoking if they want a long-term relationship, but with the wrong timing, you might end up with disappointments and a half-hearted attempt at quitting.

Remember that you’re meeting your date for the first time. You virtually don’t know much about each other compared to the strong bonds formed through the years with your friends (that allow you to tell them about their smoking habits).

As smoking is a personal issue, it’s something that’s terribly challenging to discuss during the first date.

First Date

It’s understandable that smoking is a deal-breaker for one of the people participating in a date.

In the most polite way possible, let your date know that smoking is something you find unpleasant and unhealthy — and if you decide to do so, you’re moving on from them for these reasons.

Don’t make them feel guilty about it. Instead, politely frame it as a ‘you’ thing or problem and not an issue about them.

If you think you can look past the smoking but just need some ‘breathing space’ away from the cigarette, encourage them to at least not smoke in your presence or your first date. Once you’ve established enough openness during your relationship, you can ask them to try to stop smoking.

When Things Get on the Next Level

Once you’ve got a bond that is almost as solid as the ones forged with your friends, you can now open up your concerns about your partner’s smoking habits and how it should be a foundation of your future together as a couple.

As you start to plan out the important details of your relationship’s next level, you can both safely (and fairly) discuss the topic of smoking.

During this discussion, the non-smoking partner must keep in mind that quitting smoking is incredibly difficult. Nicotine withdrawal isn’t a cakewalk, and even the most motivated smokers trying to quit can still get tempted and relapse, time and time again. 

In short, a non-smoker should realise their partner may require two or more attempts to quit smoking before they can stop for good. A motivated smoker trying to quit who has a supportive partner and environment has the best chance of stopping completely. 

Any relationship on a deep level should always have fair and open discussions about smoking without any ultimatums and nagging to help a smoking partner finally quit for good.

Smokefree First-Date Activities

A night out at a bar with cocktails and shots encourages a first-time date who smokes to light up a cigarette. If you can suggest the activity you’d like to try with them during your first meeting, here are some suggestions.

• Outdoor adventures: Hiking, camping, and trail biking are some outdoor activities that may interest first-time daters and help them get to know each other better without cigarettes. 

• Cultural experiences: Going into museums, art galleries, or even doing art or craftsmanship activities for a first-time date may help smokers keep off the cigarettes and enjoy a new and exciting experience while making memories with a potential partner.

• Culinary explorations: Delicious food over conversation is a great way not to involve any cigarette smoking on your first date while getting to know each other better.

• Fitness activities: Light walking in local park trails, scenic bridges, and other iconic pathways won’t be too tiring and can help you learn more about each other.

Understanding the Discomfort

Non-smoking people will almost always avoid dating a smoker — they have read up and seen the effects of firsthand and secondhand smoking aside from worrying about how cigarettes affect their date’s health.

If they’re looking into the future, they’re certainly concerned about their personal health and the health of their future kids with a parent who smokes cigarettes.

Some people might feel too bothered by smokers to even consider dating them. For some non-smokers, a date who smokes cigarettes is someone who lacks control over their life and focus on goals that could work for themselves and their future partners.

Most non-smokers only consider dating a smoker if they find something much more important and valuable in their date.

For instance, they might see the potential of a smoker to get better and be motivated to quit if they suggested it as a foundation of their relationship.

They might also find that a particular date who smokes has goals in life but is just trapped by the habit-forming cycle of cigarettes.

How to Help a Motivated Smoker Quit

If both of you have taken the relationship to the next level and have had discussions about smoking, it’s time to offer your motivated smoker the best kind of help to quit.

Set a Quit Date

A quit date is the time your partner decides to stop smoking, not you. 

For example, they can set it two weeks from now, which is an ideal timeline that lets both of you prepare everything needed to accomplish a day without lighting a cigarette. Here are a few tips to help you set it well.

Identify Your Goals

The first step is setting a quit date – next is for them to set their priorities. Aside from your goals as a couple, identify the other goals and priorities that quitting smoking will help them achieve on a personal level.

Seek out a GP

GPs have helped many ex-smokers quit smoking successfully and continue to help them even after years of being smokefree. 

They can design a customised smoking cessation plan based on the number of cigarettes a smoker used to smoke and prescribe the best tools to help you with any potential nicotine withdrawals and cravings.

Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT) Products

NRT products appear as lozenges, gums, inhalers, and patches. They help relieve nicotine withdrawal by introducing a small dose of nicotine into the system. Used with a cessation plan, your partner can use NRT products and significantly increase their chance of stopping smoking for good.

But they don’t work for everyone, which is where nicotine vaping products (NVPs) can play a crucial role.

Nicotine Vaping Products (NVPs)

NVPs sold in pharmacies are made under stringent pharmaceutical standards on the manufacturing process and ingredients, are toxicologically assessed for inhalation, are locally insured, and are specifically designed to help your partner stop smoking. 

The latest Cochrane Review found high-certainty evidence that NVPs are more effective than NRT in helping people stop smoking.

Pharmacy NVPs differ significantly from illegal NVPs sold under the counter in corner shops and tobacconists, as these lack manufacturing standards, have questionable ingredients, and have been proven dangerous to a motivated smoker’s health. Stay away from these.

Join a Community

Having a supportive community that helps them quit (instead of being around people who deride their motivation to quit) gives them the best chance of quitting for good.

Have a Great Deal of Patience

Quitting smoking requires lots of willpower and a significant change of habits, which can be extremely taxing to your motivated partner. 

Recognise that slip-ups and relapses can still come easily to them – even after a year or more – and be prepared to help them in their struggles.

Summary

Smoking shouldn’t stop anyone from seeing a person’s full potential to love and care for someone else, but smoking habits should not be fully discussed on a first date. 

If smoking is a big issue for a non-smoker, it’s best to tell their potential date about their concern and move on – not demand them to stop smoking entirely. It’s only when things become serious that the two should have an open and fair talk about quitting smoking for good.

We know you’re reading this because you have a date or partner who doesn’t want to stop smoking, or you’re motivated to stop smoking to meet your partner’s goals as a couple. We can help.

Smokefree Clinic gives you access to many medically reviewed and trustworthy resources that can inform and aid you in your path to wellness, so have a look around! 

If you’re ready to get started, Smokefree can connect you to Australian healthcare professionals who excel in helping patients quit smoking for good.