It’s not easy to stop smoking

You’ve probably heard a lot that smoking is a bad habit, right? Well, it’s not just a bad habit; it’s also one that’s seriously addictive and tough to kick. 

Quitting for good can feel like trying to win an impossible game.

Do you know someone who’s decided time and again that they’ll never light up a cigarette again? 

They might have promised themselves they’d quit, but then smoking pops into their mind, and suddenly they’re struggling again.

That’s completely normal! It takes time for those cravings to fade, and sometimes it takes more than one go to quit for good.

Many smokers who successfully navigate their quit journey don’t do it alone.

They’ve got their loved ones right there with them, standing strong even during the toughest parts of the battle against addiction.

How to help motivate someone to quit smoking

You can be that solid support for your friend, family member, or partner who’s keen to quit smoking but finds themselves struggling with cravings. 

Below are some strategies and tips you can use to help them out, but remember, it all depends on how they feel about smoking and where they are on their own journey.

Determine your style of relationship

Think about the relationship you have with the smoker you want to help and how you feel about their habit. 

How you approach their smoking can make a big difference in whether or not they quit and in both of your well-being.

To figure out the best way to support them, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you feel uncomfortable when someone lights up near you?
  • Do you find yourself getting upset and arguing with them about their smoking habit?
  • Do you avoid conversations about smoking because it makes you uneasy?
  • Has a health scare changed the way you think about smoking?

Answering those questions can help both of you identify what needs to change when it comes to handling their smoking and their choice to quit. 

You might also want to keep these points in mind:

  • Quitting isn’t a straight road. Everyone stumbles, and it’s important to be understanding rather than critical.
  • Celebrate every little win with them. Whether they’ve gone a day or a week without a smoke, acknowledging their efforts can boost their motivation.
  • If you’re a smoker yourself, maybe it’s time to join them on this journey. Quitting together can be a more effective way to support each other.

Start a discussion

Talking to someone about quitting smoking can be challenging, especially if you’re surrounded by people who don’t smoke or aren’t thinking of quitting. 

But, you might pick up on your friend or family member dropping hints that they’re keen to kick the habit. 

They may even ask you for advice on what to do in certain situations, like:

  • Their doctor has told them they need to quit.
  • Their partner has a health condition that makes things sensitive.
  • Their kids are uncomfortable with smoke, and they’re wondering if they should stop for their children’s sake.

When talking with someone about quitting smoking, keep your response positive and encouraging. 

Acknowledge the fact that they’re thinking about quitting, especially if it’s in response to advice or concerns from others.

If you’ve quit smoking yourself, share your experience. You can support them by:

  • letting them know you’re ready to help however you can to reach their quit-smoking goal.
  • validating how tough quitting can be, and encouraging them to set a quit date to get the ball rolling.
  • reassuring them they’re not alone, and you’ll have their back, even when it gets tough.
  • sharing how quitting was the best decision you made and how going smoke-free made you feel so much better about yourself.

Setup a way in

You can also start the conversation about quitting if they don’t seem ready to bring it up themselves. 

Instead of directly asking if they’ve thought about giving up, you could try a more casual approach like:

  • mentioning how cigarette taxes have gone up again, and asking out of concern how much they’re spending now.
  • sharing how you were shocked by a TV advert showing you can lose your teeth due to gum disease caused by smoking.
  • advising them to be careful because the government’s getting stricter with designated smoking areas, and there aren’t many legal spots left to smoke.

Ask questions

Asking a person who is trying to quit smoking open-ended questions can help you understand what they are going through. You could ask, without judgement,

  • “What makes you really want a cigarette?”
  • “What made you decide to quit smoking?”
  • “What has been the hardest part so far?”
  • “What could I do to make it easier for you to give up?”

Listen to them

Getting them to stop smoking is not about you. Pay attention to what they say. When you ask a question, listen quietly and give them time to answer. Try not to add your own thoughts unless they’re requested, especially if they’re argumentative.

Don’t lecture

Your friend or family member won’t be able to stop smoking if you lecture, nag, or scold them. It could make them mad, and they might not ask you for help when they really need it.

Here are some things you shouldn’t do if you want to help someone stop smoking:

  • Continually telling them why smoking is bad.
  • Keeping track of how many cigarettes / slip-ups they’ve had.
  • Continually asking if they had smoked today.
  • Getting into an argument with them about how they’re cranky when they’re going through withdrawal.
  • Giving them a hard time if withdrawal makes them hungrier.
  • Getting mad if they slip up and puff / smoke a cigarette.

Give them things to do

Help a friend or family member out by helping them plan things they can do without smoking. If you still smoke, don’t do it around them, especially if you’re doing something you’ve suggested as a ‘smokefree’ activity or task.

Here are a few ideas for things to do together:

  • Go and see a movie (and let them choose the show)
  • Take a walk
  •  Set up a night to play games with a group of (non-smoking) friends
  •  Make a special dinner
  •  Go to their favourite place for dinner
  •  Sign up for a class like painting, cooking, or photography
  •  Go to a concert or live show

Getting cravings and having triggers is a normal part of the process of quitting. Help your friend or family member figure out how to deal with these urges until they go away. 

Some people find that texting or checking social media helps them pass the time until the craving goes away, while others find that changing their routine or where they are helps. Talk about it and make plans for different situations.

Here are a few suggestions you can give them:

  • Chew gum or suck on a lolly
  • Use your mobile phone to play a game
  • Put a toothpick or straw in your mouth
  • Switch tasks to give life a change of pace
  • Eat some celery, carrot sticks, or nuts
  • Squeeze a stress ball
  • Try to calm down by taking deep breaths
  • Drink lots of water

Putting together a quit-smoking kit for a friend or family member with a few of these things to help them be ready to deal with cravings when they happen can help tremendously.

Be calm and hopeful

It can be hard and tiring to help someone who is trying to stop smoking. Try to stay positive, and please don’t stop trying for them. Your support is important.

When a person stops smoking, they may go through withdrawal, which can make them cranky and sad. Don’t:

  • Take their moods to heart
  • Tell them that their bad moods were easier to deal with when they smoked
  • Tell them that it would be easier for them to just smoke again

It can be hard to deal with a person’s cravings. Don’t give them any reason to doubt that they can quit. Check up on them and let them know you’re there for them. You could say:

  • “I can tell this is hard for you, but I’m glad you’re not giving up. Let’s do something fun to honour how far you’ve come.”
  • “It sounds like you’re having a hard day. How about I make dinner and watch the kids so that you can have some time to yourself? You deserve it.”

Try not to punish them if they make a mistake

Your friend or family member might slip up and have a puff or smoke a cigarette at some point. Most likely, they’ll feel bad about it, so getting mad at them won’t help. You could instead:

  • Tell them you know they can still give up, and remind them of how far they’ve come.
  • Help them figure out what made them want to smoke, which caused them to slip-up.
  • Help them think of a way to deal with the craving if it comes back.
  • Ask if you can do anything else to help.

Here are some ways to deal with a mistake:

  • “Slip-ups happen. Don’t give yourself a hard time about it! You learn as you go with hard things. Use this as a lesson to stay on track.”
  • “It’s not easy to stop smoking, and many people have to try more than once before they can do it for good. I know you can do it, and I’ll help you.”
  • “We should talk about what makes you want to smoke. Together we can help you stay on track. Just don’t light up the next one!”

Celebrate successes big and small

Recognize your friend or family member’s achievements and milestones in quitting smoking. Whether they haven’t smoked for one day, one week, or one year, you should celebrate. 

Some other good ideas are getting rid of all the ashtrays in the house and anything else that reminds them of smoking. You could also try:

  • Giving special ‘X days smokefree!’ cards to celebrate milestones
  • Giving them tickets to a concert or show as a surprise
  • Giving them a gift card for the store they like best
  • Putting together a home-cooked meal

Recognizing the good changes they’ve made with a compliment can go a long way. For example, you could say,

  • “The smokefree life works well for you – you look really great!”
  • ” You should be so happy with what you’ve achieved. I’m really proud of you!”

Aid them in de-stressing

Quitting smoking can cause a lot of stress, which could make a person want to smoke again. If you see that they are stressed, you can help them break the cycle by showing them how to relax in a healthier way. 

You could suggest one of these ways to relieve stress that don’t involve smoking:

  • Close your eyes and take some deep breaths to calm down
  • Have fun with a pet
  • Take a walk
  • Cook a nice meal
  • Attend a yoga or light exercise class
  • You could go to a comedy club or watch a funny show on TV
  • Do a fun home project
  • See a sunrise or sunset
  • Do a crossword puzzle
  • Talk with a friend at a cafe
  • Take a nap
  • Take a long shower or bath

Stay for the long run

The problems with quitting smoking don’t end when the last cigarette is put out. Cravings can come back after a few weeks, months, or even years. People who used to smoke often start up again within the first three months after they stop.

Tell your friend or family member that you’re there for the long haul. Keep celebrating how long they’ve gone without smoking, and give them things to do to help them deal with cravings. Your continued help might be all they need to make this their last attempt to stop smoking.